Post by doshindude on Jun 11, 2006 9:45:18 GMT -5
Kiwi soup: Story 1
Bob goes to the store to buy socks when he looks down and picks up a
quarter. he goes to the vending machine to buy a pack of gum, when he
notices that to his left a new video store opened, so he takes a stroll
inside to browse for a video game for his gamecube. He successfully rents
the game and jubilantly skips home to play the game. After getting bored of
playing it by himself he invites 3 other friends to play multiplayer. one of
the friends says "hey, let's go to mcdonalds!" Bob goes with him and the
other 3 to mcdonalds when they see a nearby baseball just laying there. they
can't resist and go to the baseball field across the street. as they were
playing, bob accidentally slams one of his friends in the head with the bat
and they all rush him to the hospital. Bob then runs out of the hospital in
a frenzy yelling "WHY?!!!!!" in regret of hitting his friend in the head
with the bat. While he was frantically screaming he bumps into a local car
salesman and gets roped into buying a new car which uses up his entire
savings and causes him to become a bum and live on the street, but with a
pretty nice car, though. realizing his situation, he drives to the donut
shop and steals 3 donuts for dinner. after an hour of evading the cops, he
hides in a forest and sleeps on a tree stump using a squirrel as a pillow.
In the morning he decides "hey I'm not gonna be a bum anymore," so he goes
to a loan agency and takes out $1 million. He realizes that he has gotten
rich quick and becomes a millionaire. he buys out every Old Navy and Barnes
and Noble store in town and sells his toupe to the poor. He runs a fundraiser to get himself more money when he crashes his car into a 3 story
house. He leaves the car and goes home and watches spaceballs, and decides
to buy a computer with comcast high speed internet. knowing the cost of this
luxury, he decides to sell the computer but continue to buy the internet
service. after this fiasco he decides to steal cable from his neighbor and
then watches old reruns of Family Guy. He sits down to have a Diet Coke and
drifts off to sleep......................
Kiwi Soup: Story 2
Bob was at a college selling keyboards to small kids when he noticed a pile of concrete. "Lunch!" He said. so he started to eat it when he got terrible gas so he ran to a local 7-11 to find a bathroom, which they didn't have, so he ran into the woods....into someone's house and used their bathroom. when he came out he noticed that he didn't know where he was, which was an inconvienience for him. so he aimlessly walked around until he hitchhiked onto a 16 wheeler and had to ride on top of it. He rode on it until he got to Arkansaws and realized that spaz spelled backwards is zaps. He then decided that he would get a job at NASA, so he went there and he was rejected, as usual. so he attempted suicide, but then got bored and went home and went to bed at 3 in the afternoon. he woke up at 5am not knowing where he was, so he decided to change a lightbulb. he failed. He was electrocuted and lie unconscious for some time, when he woke up, he bought a bunch of DVDs and used them as frisbees to chuck at the neighbor kids.
Kiwi soup: Story 3
Bob was at home painting pine cones when a rock comes crashing through his window of his apartment. Note that his room is 10 stories up. He wonders how a rock made it through his window at that height. He looks out the window and sees a small 4 year old. He then sees the kid chuck another rock at him, this time it went past him and kept going up. He wonders what the heck is going on and runs down to buy a soda from the 7-11. While there he gets a scratch ticket and loses. He walks out of the store with his coke and goes bowling. he bowls a 300 and becomes immensely popular. He goes home and watches TV. There is an advertisement for a car that can go 1000 miles without needing a refill of gas. he buys it and goes on a road trip to spain. Yes, a road trip to spain. He loses his car in the atlantic ocean and swims to africa. While there, he bought some "I saw africa" T-Shirts and some socks. He then flies home in a hot air balloon. He then goes back to his apartment and hooks up a windows 95 computer to play solitare on. He then notices that he doesn't have solitare on it, so he plays freecell instead. He realizes he doesn't know how to play freecell and then Closes out the game and plays pinball, and gets the #4 high score. He then gets hit by another rock flying through his window and is knocked unconscious on the keyboard, opening a word document. His head fell on the "h" key on the keyboard, so the word document keeps creating h's on the keyboard....
Kiwi Soup: Story 4
Bob gets arrested for driving on the left side of the street and gets bailed out by his half brother who lives in oklahoma. He goes on a road trip there and buys a bunch of coal. When he returns to his home he chucks the coal at dumpsters. He gets bored and starts to grill burgers. he realizes that he has no grill. so he goes shopping instead. He then gets confronted by a giant chicken and gets into a 15 minute long fight with it. Bob then goes home victorious. When he gets home he sees that he has 300 unread messages on his answering machine. He gets angry and chucks it out the window. It hits a pedestrian on the street. The pedestrian sues Bob. Bob ends up winning and counter sues him and wins. He goes back home and browses the internet for 6 hours. He then goes to bed and wakes up and finds out that he left the TV on. He shuts it off and notices his cat was staring at him. He gets into a staring contest with the cat and loses. In great humiliation he goes back to bed and then wakes up at 6am. He goes downstairs adn has 5 pop tarts with cheese. He goes outside and decides "hey! let's build a rocket!" He doesn't succeed and then goes inside to watch TV.
Kiwi Soup: Story 5
bob is at his neighbor's house eating cheese its and decides to watch TV. He does. His attention is diverted to a bird outside the window. He climbs out the window and follows the bird to the local dump. He then looks for TVs at the dump. He finds 3 and hooks them up at his house. 1 of them works, the other 2 die. He then thinks about returning the 2 TVs that were dead and then came to the conclusion that it's much more fun to just toss them out the 4th story window into the busy street. So he does that and after that he gets bored and then goes back to the dump to find some more TVs. When he's there a guy in a tuxedo goes up to him and asks him if he wants a cookie. he accepts and gets a cookie. He thinks "hey! I can give this cookie to those stupid looking birds over there!" So he breaks up the cookie and gives it to the birds. While doing this he notices some awesome looking computer parts lying around. He takes them and tries to make a computer and gives up because it was too hard. So he walks around and starts to chuck rocks at seagulls flying around the dump. He then hitchhikes to mcdonalds where he buys 7 hamburgers, a big mac, a super size fries and a small root beer with a mcflurry topped with ketchup. He gets a heart attack from eating and drinking all that and goes to the hospital. He wakes up at home and wonders if it all happened...
Kiwi Soup: Story 6
Bob goes to the Gamer's Forum and reads the crazy Kiwi Soup Stories. He wonders "these stories are strikingly similar to my life," and then checks out the popup ads that appear on his computer. He notices that a talking moose wants his credit card number on one of the popups, so he thinks "I can't resist!" and he puts it in and submits it. the next day he gets a bill in the mail for $300,000 for a gigantic plasma TV. He is outraged and storms out of his house and goes to the credit union to protest it. He ends up having to fork over the cash and he ends up having to take out 7 extra mortgages to pay for it. He then thinks that suicide is his only option, so he goes to a dunkin donuts and buys 100 donuts and eats 56 of them. He gets a bad stomachache and runs to the bathroom. He's there for 2 hours and finally got out and realized that his car was stolen. He looks around town for it and finds it and steals it back. He returns home and watches TV. He then plays darts in his game room in the basement. He then goes to bed and wakes up 4 miles from his house. So he decides to become a hobo and live off the land.
Kiwi Soup: Story 7
Bob goes to the store to buy watermelon to throw at the neighbor kids for ruining his front yard, and decided to buy 5 watermelons, 3 to punt at them and 2 to chuck at them. When he tried to punt the 3, he realized that they just exploded when they hit his foot. so he just "egged" the neighbor's house with watermelons. Now he got bored and decided to take a trip to disney world. So he packed up the car and headed onto the highway and started singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" for the 5th time when he decided to stop at some places on the way. He littered his car with window decals to the point where he couldn't see out of his back window. So he stopped for gas and the guy said that they didn't take Visas so bob kept going with less than 1/4 tank of gas. His car stops about 60 miles away and he decides to push his car to disney world. On the way he stopped at a farm and stole 5 tomatoes. He got heatstroke and got back in his car. He fell asleep in the car and woke up 4 hours later. He realized that a gas station was across the street the whole time. He filled up and continued to drive. On the way he took pictures of strange armadillos and porcupines. He gets there at disney land and stares at the gate and gets all watery eyed and says "this is what america's about," and stood there for a few more hours till the security guards threw him out. He then drove home feeling content and as he went home he realized that he wanted to come back again next year. So he went home and continued his boring life and awaited the day that he would return to disney world.
Kiwi Soup: Story 8
Bob goes to his cousin's house to get some cheese cubes. On the way over he is confronted by a yellow dog. he tries to walk past it but the dog keeps trying to steal his wallet from his pocket, since his wallet was hanging out from his pocket. Bob runs away, but drops his wallet. He then goes up the street to an ice cream truck. As he goes to get ice cream he is suddenly tied up and thrown into the truck. he was kidnapped. So on the way to the kidnapper's hideout, he says that he wants to home, so they let him go home. He is thrown out of the truck and then walks home. He goes to burger king and gets a kids meal after realizing that he has no food at home. He gets one of those healthy kids meals with the oranges instead of fries. he yells at the manager saying that it is a waste of 3 bucks and the toy was made of cheap plastic. So he overturns the table he's sitting at and goes to mcdonalds and does the same thing with the happy meals. He then goes to wendys and decides that wendys is best. As he's eating, he gets conked on the head by a frying pan that some 5 year old is holding behind him. he goes to the ER. He awakens 2 weeks later wondering where he's been. he leaves the hospital to go to a comic book store to buy cheap comics to sell for a higher price to 3 year old kids.
Kiwi Soup: Story 9
Bob goes home after a long day of eating spiderman vitamins and stuffing tissue boxes full of tissues. He wonders how crappy his job is and he looks it up on the internet. the reviews say it is the world's crappiest job and gave it a 1.7/10. He realizes that he needs a better job. He checks the local newspaper and applies for "game testser." when he gets to the workplace he starts to test a game, and ends up crashing the system. he is fired on the spot and given the bum's rush. so he goes to some elementary school to use the phone. he calls the wrong number and ends up calling some eskimo in alaska. he decides to go there to meet him. he takes a $10 flight there and decides to live there because there's plenty of fish. so he lives there with the eskimo and they have a happy life of eating frozen fish.
Kiwi Soup: Story 10
Bob finally gets internet in his room by stealing it from his neighbors because they had no security on their firewall. He browses the internet and then loses the connection. He goes to call tech support when a meteor lands outside his house. he goes to check it out. A hotdog is on it. He wonders how the heck it got there and why it wasn't burned up in the atmosphere. He picks it up and eats it. Still hungry, he goes inside to make a sandwich. The sandwich had mold on it, so as a result he passes out and goes to the hospital for food poisoning. He wakes up and gets billed for $3000. He goes throught severe mental stress and faints again. He wakes up and gets billed for $3000 more. This cycle continues untill he's completely in debt for over $1 million. He files a lawsuit against the hospital for scamming him and he wins, getting all his money back. He goes to the mall to buy a hamster. The hamster was furry and cute. He trains it to shoot lasers and become radioactive. He ends up destroying Lake Michigan and makes his base there. He ends up conquering the world and rules it for 3 years...then gets bored and gives the world back to everyone.
Bob goes to the store to buy socks when he looks down and picks up a
quarter. he goes to the vending machine to buy a pack of gum, when he
notices that to his left a new video store opened, so he takes a stroll
inside to browse for a video game for his gamecube. He successfully rents
the game and jubilantly skips home to play the game. After getting bored of
playing it by himself he invites 3 other friends to play multiplayer. one of
the friends says "hey, let's go to mcdonalds!" Bob goes with him and the
other 3 to mcdonalds when they see a nearby baseball just laying there. they
can't resist and go to the baseball field across the street. as they were
playing, bob accidentally slams one of his friends in the head with the bat
and they all rush him to the hospital. Bob then runs out of the hospital in
a frenzy yelling "WHY?!!!!!" in regret of hitting his friend in the head
with the bat. While he was frantically screaming he bumps into a local car
salesman and gets roped into buying a new car which uses up his entire
savings and causes him to become a bum and live on the street, but with a
pretty nice car, though. realizing his situation, he drives to the donut
shop and steals 3 donuts for dinner. after an hour of evading the cops, he
hides in a forest and sleeps on a tree stump using a squirrel as a pillow.
In the morning he decides "hey I'm not gonna be a bum anymore," so he goes
to a loan agency and takes out $1 million. He realizes that he has gotten
rich quick and becomes a millionaire. he buys out every Old Navy and Barnes
and Noble store in town and sells his toupe to the poor. He runs a fundraiser to get himself more money when he crashes his car into a 3 story
house. He leaves the car and goes home and watches spaceballs, and decides
to buy a computer with comcast high speed internet. knowing the cost of this
luxury, he decides to sell the computer but continue to buy the internet
service. after this fiasco he decides to steal cable from his neighbor and
then watches old reruns of Family Guy. He sits down to have a Diet Coke and
drifts off to sleep......................
Kiwi Soup: Story 2
Bob was at a college selling keyboards to small kids when he noticed a pile of concrete. "Lunch!" He said. so he started to eat it when he got terrible gas so he ran to a local 7-11 to find a bathroom, which they didn't have, so he ran into the woods....into someone's house and used their bathroom. when he came out he noticed that he didn't know where he was, which was an inconvienience for him. so he aimlessly walked around until he hitchhiked onto a 16 wheeler and had to ride on top of it. He rode on it until he got to Arkansaws and realized that spaz spelled backwards is zaps. He then decided that he would get a job at NASA, so he went there and he was rejected, as usual. so he attempted suicide, but then got bored and went home and went to bed at 3 in the afternoon. he woke up at 5am not knowing where he was, so he decided to change a lightbulb. he failed. He was electrocuted and lie unconscious for some time, when he woke up, he bought a bunch of DVDs and used them as frisbees to chuck at the neighbor kids.
Kiwi soup: Story 3
Bob was at home painting pine cones when a rock comes crashing through his window of his apartment. Note that his room is 10 stories up. He wonders how a rock made it through his window at that height. He looks out the window and sees a small 4 year old. He then sees the kid chuck another rock at him, this time it went past him and kept going up. He wonders what the heck is going on and runs down to buy a soda from the 7-11. While there he gets a scratch ticket and loses. He walks out of the store with his coke and goes bowling. he bowls a 300 and becomes immensely popular. He goes home and watches TV. There is an advertisement for a car that can go 1000 miles without needing a refill of gas. he buys it and goes on a road trip to spain. Yes, a road trip to spain. He loses his car in the atlantic ocean and swims to africa. While there, he bought some "I saw africa" T-Shirts and some socks. He then flies home in a hot air balloon. He then goes back to his apartment and hooks up a windows 95 computer to play solitare on. He then notices that he doesn't have solitare on it, so he plays freecell instead. He realizes he doesn't know how to play freecell and then Closes out the game and plays pinball, and gets the #4 high score. He then gets hit by another rock flying through his window and is knocked unconscious on the keyboard, opening a word document. His head fell on the "h" key on the keyboard, so the word document keeps creating h's on the keyboard....
Kiwi Soup: Story 4
Bob gets arrested for driving on the left side of the street and gets bailed out by his half brother who lives in oklahoma. He goes on a road trip there and buys a bunch of coal. When he returns to his home he chucks the coal at dumpsters. He gets bored and starts to grill burgers. he realizes that he has no grill. so he goes shopping instead. He then gets confronted by a giant chicken and gets into a 15 minute long fight with it. Bob then goes home victorious. When he gets home he sees that he has 300 unread messages on his answering machine. He gets angry and chucks it out the window. It hits a pedestrian on the street. The pedestrian sues Bob. Bob ends up winning and counter sues him and wins. He goes back home and browses the internet for 6 hours. He then goes to bed and wakes up and finds out that he left the TV on. He shuts it off and notices his cat was staring at him. He gets into a staring contest with the cat and loses. In great humiliation he goes back to bed and then wakes up at 6am. He goes downstairs adn has 5 pop tarts with cheese. He goes outside and decides "hey! let's build a rocket!" He doesn't succeed and then goes inside to watch TV.
Kiwi Soup: Story 5
bob is at his neighbor's house eating cheese its and decides to watch TV. He does. His attention is diverted to a bird outside the window. He climbs out the window and follows the bird to the local dump. He then looks for TVs at the dump. He finds 3 and hooks them up at his house. 1 of them works, the other 2 die. He then thinks about returning the 2 TVs that were dead and then came to the conclusion that it's much more fun to just toss them out the 4th story window into the busy street. So he does that and after that he gets bored and then goes back to the dump to find some more TVs. When he's there a guy in a tuxedo goes up to him and asks him if he wants a cookie. he accepts and gets a cookie. He thinks "hey! I can give this cookie to those stupid looking birds over there!" So he breaks up the cookie and gives it to the birds. While doing this he notices some awesome looking computer parts lying around. He takes them and tries to make a computer and gives up because it was too hard. So he walks around and starts to chuck rocks at seagulls flying around the dump. He then hitchhikes to mcdonalds where he buys 7 hamburgers, a big mac, a super size fries and a small root beer with a mcflurry topped with ketchup. He gets a heart attack from eating and drinking all that and goes to the hospital. He wakes up at home and wonders if it all happened...
Kiwi Soup: Story 6
Bob goes to the Gamer's Forum and reads the crazy Kiwi Soup Stories. He wonders "these stories are strikingly similar to my life," and then checks out the popup ads that appear on his computer. He notices that a talking moose wants his credit card number on one of the popups, so he thinks "I can't resist!" and he puts it in and submits it. the next day he gets a bill in the mail for $300,000 for a gigantic plasma TV. He is outraged and storms out of his house and goes to the credit union to protest it. He ends up having to fork over the cash and he ends up having to take out 7 extra mortgages to pay for it. He then thinks that suicide is his only option, so he goes to a dunkin donuts and buys 100 donuts and eats 56 of them. He gets a bad stomachache and runs to the bathroom. He's there for 2 hours and finally got out and realized that his car was stolen. He looks around town for it and finds it and steals it back. He returns home and watches TV. He then plays darts in his game room in the basement. He then goes to bed and wakes up 4 miles from his house. So he decides to become a hobo and live off the land.
Kiwi Soup: Story 7
Bob goes to the store to buy watermelon to throw at the neighbor kids for ruining his front yard, and decided to buy 5 watermelons, 3 to punt at them and 2 to chuck at them. When he tried to punt the 3, he realized that they just exploded when they hit his foot. so he just "egged" the neighbor's house with watermelons. Now he got bored and decided to take a trip to disney world. So he packed up the car and headed onto the highway and started singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" for the 5th time when he decided to stop at some places on the way. He littered his car with window decals to the point where he couldn't see out of his back window. So he stopped for gas and the guy said that they didn't take Visas so bob kept going with less than 1/4 tank of gas. His car stops about 60 miles away and he decides to push his car to disney world. On the way he stopped at a farm and stole 5 tomatoes. He got heatstroke and got back in his car. He fell asleep in the car and woke up 4 hours later. He realized that a gas station was across the street the whole time. He filled up and continued to drive. On the way he took pictures of strange armadillos and porcupines. He gets there at disney land and stares at the gate and gets all watery eyed and says "this is what america's about," and stood there for a few more hours till the security guards threw him out. He then drove home feeling content and as he went home he realized that he wanted to come back again next year. So he went home and continued his boring life and awaited the day that he would return to disney world.
Kiwi Soup: Story 8
Bob goes to his cousin's house to get some cheese cubes. On the way over he is confronted by a yellow dog. he tries to walk past it but the dog keeps trying to steal his wallet from his pocket, since his wallet was hanging out from his pocket. Bob runs away, but drops his wallet. He then goes up the street to an ice cream truck. As he goes to get ice cream he is suddenly tied up and thrown into the truck. he was kidnapped. So on the way to the kidnapper's hideout, he says that he wants to home, so they let him go home. He is thrown out of the truck and then walks home. He goes to burger king and gets a kids meal after realizing that he has no food at home. He gets one of those healthy kids meals with the oranges instead of fries. he yells at the manager saying that it is a waste of 3 bucks and the toy was made of cheap plastic. So he overturns the table he's sitting at and goes to mcdonalds and does the same thing with the happy meals. He then goes to wendys and decides that wendys is best. As he's eating, he gets conked on the head by a frying pan that some 5 year old is holding behind him. he goes to the ER. He awakens 2 weeks later wondering where he's been. he leaves the hospital to go to a comic book store to buy cheap comics to sell for a higher price to 3 year old kids.
Kiwi Soup: Story 9
Bob goes home after a long day of eating spiderman vitamins and stuffing tissue boxes full of tissues. He wonders how crappy his job is and he looks it up on the internet. the reviews say it is the world's crappiest job and gave it a 1.7/10. He realizes that he needs a better job. He checks the local newspaper and applies for "game testser." when he gets to the workplace he starts to test a game, and ends up crashing the system. he is fired on the spot and given the bum's rush. so he goes to some elementary school to use the phone. he calls the wrong number and ends up calling some eskimo in alaska. he decides to go there to meet him. he takes a $10 flight there and decides to live there because there's plenty of fish. so he lives there with the eskimo and they have a happy life of eating frozen fish.
Kiwi Soup: Story 10
Bob finally gets internet in his room by stealing it from his neighbors because they had no security on their firewall. He browses the internet and then loses the connection. He goes to call tech support when a meteor lands outside his house. he goes to check it out. A hotdog is on it. He wonders how the heck it got there and why it wasn't burned up in the atmosphere. He picks it up and eats it. Still hungry, he goes inside to make a sandwich. The sandwich had mold on it, so as a result he passes out and goes to the hospital for food poisoning. He wakes up and gets billed for $3000. He goes throught severe mental stress and faints again. He wakes up and gets billed for $3000 more. This cycle continues untill he's completely in debt for over $1 million. He files a lawsuit against the hospital for scamming him and he wins, getting all his money back. He goes to the mall to buy a hamster. The hamster was furry and cute. He trains it to shoot lasers and become radioactive. He ends up destroying Lake Michigan and makes his base there. He ends up conquering the world and rules it for 3 years...then gets bored and gives the world back to everyone.